you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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