Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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