so that wasnt chicken after all
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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