I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
