clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
