And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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