now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
