Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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