i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Please don't give away my fajitas
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
