so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
