No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
