you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
