Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
