Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
