Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
