FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
