Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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