So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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