Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
