he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
