i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
