Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
