I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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