What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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