She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
