i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
