there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
