This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
