At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
