I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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