I wish life had little blips of pornography
I am midnight drunk by noon
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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