I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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