i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
