I CAN MOONWALK!
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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