the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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