all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize