3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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