If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
