My sheets look like a crime scene.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
