You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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