we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
