I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Quick, to the slutcave!
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
