this just has baby written all over it
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
