Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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