that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Randomize
