dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
