So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
