I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
