Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Randomize