I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
You can't motorboat a personality
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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