my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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