those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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