can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
