turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
