The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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