All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
