I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
