Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
