I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
