last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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