The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
