You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
We need to rekindle our bromance
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
