Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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