Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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