Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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