my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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