Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
