She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
