before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
