Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
