youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
