Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
